


You can see my heart beating

by redangeleve



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Torture, Clone Wars Season 4, Episode 12: Slaves of the republic, Feelings, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Not Beta Read, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Whump, Slavery, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:08:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25242151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redangeleve/pseuds/redangeleve
Summary: „Did the queen tell you, where the Togrutas are held?“ Obi-Wan asked quietly and without turning around.„Not yet“, Anakin confirmed. „But it doesn't matter. We will come back with a new plan.“But Obi-Wan just shook his head. „No, don't blow your cover. You have to complete the mission.“Anakin look at him flabbergasted. „You can't be serious.“„But I am“, Obi-Wan returned calmly. „Whip me. It's the only way.“
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 32
Kudos: 191





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this story was for a long time in my head and I finally decided to give it a try. Please feel free to leave me some feedback and let me know what you think about it.

**You can see my heart beating**

_And you can see my heart beating_  
_You can see it through my chest_  
_Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving_  
_I know that I must pass this test_  
_So just pull the trigger_

_(Rihanna, Russian Roulette)_

  
„Teach the Jedi his place.“

The words of the queen still rang in his ears, as Anakin made his way down from the balcony into the arena. His hands were so sweaty that he was sure, the whip would have slipped from his grip if it wasn't for the gloves he wore and his heart beat so loud that he could hardly hear the cheering masses. In the moment when the guards had led Obi-Wan into the arena he had almost lost his temper. His former master had been bruised and battered and he clutched his body so tightly, it was obvious that he was in pain. There was no way, that Anakin would whip him, even if that meant that he had to blow his cover. They just had to come up with a different plan after all. 

When he went into the arena he changed a quick glance with Rex, to make sure he was ready. The captain nodded his head as imperceptible as possible and Anakin returned the gesture. Although they were out numbered he was confident, that they would fight their way out of here. They had made it out alive of much worse scenarios. Anakin reached the pedestal at the moment, when the guard brutally forced Obi-Wan on his knees with his hands raised at the back of his head and the screams of the crowd rang in his ears: „Whip the Jedi!“ Involuntarily Anakin gripped the whip tighter. He really wanted to tear them apart. One after the other. But he had to focus now. The guard stepped aside, to make room for him and Anakin could see that Obi-Wan's robes were torn and the tunic underneath was stained with blood and dirt. By the Force, he would make the Zygerrians pay for what they had done to his former master, he swore. 

One thing at a time.

„Looks like I have to rescue you again, old man“, Anakin said as quietly as possible so not to warn the guards. 

„Did the queen tell you, where the Togrutas are held?“ Obi-Wan asked similarly quiet and without turning around. 

„Not yet“, Anakin confirmed. „But it doesn't matter. We will come back with a new plan.“

But Obi-Wan just shook his head. „No, don't blow your cover. You have to complete the mission.“

Anakin look at him flabbergasted. „You can't be serious.“

„But I am“, Obi-Wan returned calmly. „Whip me. It's the only way.“

„No, I can't do that.“ Anakin was well aware, that they were watched, so he fought the urge to shake his head to prove his point.

Obi-Wan sounded almost apologetic, as he said: „I'm sorry I have to put you through this, but it has to be.“

„No, please.“ Anakin was pleading now, despite the impatient masses, who shouted because of the lack of action. 

„Trust me, everything will be fine“, Obi-Wan tried to calm him. „I have endured worse. Now, go on and do it.“

Anakin tried not to let it show, but he felt tears well up in his eyes, as he raised the whip and did as he was told. The electric leash hissed as it found its target and cut through the already ripped fabric of the tunic right inside the skin of Obi-wan's back. For a moment the Jedi lost his balance and slumped forward, just to catch himself in time and hold himself up again. But although it had to hurt like hell, no sound left his mouth and he had closed his side of their bond, to not let Anakin feel the pain, that he had inflicted.

„Again“, ordered the queen from above.

Desperatly Anakin had to close his eyes for a moment as he heard the command. His hands trembled so bad he thought he would let the whip fall to the ground every minute. One time had been bad enough but he just couldn't do this again. Not to Obi-Wan, the man he loved. It was almost to much for him when he felt the Force signature of his master, as it wrapped itself tight around his own, in a gesture of consolation and encouragement. 

'It's okay', it seemed to say. 'I've got you.'

Anakin wanted to sob, as he raised the whip again and the electric leash hit against abused flesh. There was a small hiss from Obi-Wan this time, as the whip cut inside his back, but he held his head high and didn't stumble again. Anakin's throat was dry when he wanted to swallow the lump that was stuck in there. This had to be enough. There was no way he could do this again.

But the queen was still not satisfied. „Harder“, she demanded harshly.

Anakin was on the verge to break down. No, no, he couldn't do this anymore. Even though his master made sure to not let him feel the pain, the act hurt him just as much as it hurt Obi-Wan.

„I'm okay“, came the hoarse reply from Obi-Wan's cracked lips, like he had read his thoughts. „Go on, I won't break.“

Even if that was true, Anakin was not so sure about himself anymore. Never in his life had he wanted to resist Obi-Wan's command as badly as today, but he knew that his former master would never forgive himself if the Togrutas died because they hadn't found them in time. Nevertheless he felt like he had to throw up as he raised the whip again and hit Obi-Wan twice as hard as before. There was a sickening sound as the leash found some undamaged skin and cut into it until it broke, so that the blood ran freely over Obi-Wan's bruised back into the fabric of the tunic. The sheer force of the blow was so strong, that Obi-Wan tilted forward, until he was on his hands and knees and his whole body seemed to tremble and shake.

„I'm sorry. I'm so sorry“, Anakin whisperd almost silently.

„Don't“, was the reply through gritted teeth. „Just hold onto the plan.“ Obi-Wan panted heavily, as he fought against the pain, but he wanted to go through no matter the consequences.

But Anakin swore to himself that if he was forced to do this one more time, he would blow his cover, kriff the consequences. He would wreak havoc and take down every Zygerrian who came in his way, until he had brought Obi-Wan to safety. Thanks to the Force, that wasn't nessesary, as the queen said in this moment: „That's enough. Let the guards take care of him and come back to me.“

Although Anakin was reluctant to leave his former master at the mercy of the guards, he felt Obi-Wan's encouragement to do as she said and leave him behind. He was of to much value for the queen to be killed here and now. As Anakin turned away he saw that the guards grabbed Obi-Wan by his arms and led him out of the arena, whereby it was more like they dragged him, than he was able to walk. Cold dread washed over Anakin's skin as he sent a prayer into the Force to watch over his master for him, until he would finish the mission and could finally bring him to safety.


	2. Chapter 2

Ten days. 

Although Anakin had done everything the Zygerrian queen had demanded from him it took ten kriffing days until she told him where the Togrutas were held captive and he could finally send a message to his troops to call for reinforcements. Anakin hadn't seen Obi-Wan since that fateful day in the arena, but he had heard from Rex that his former master had been brought onboard of a shuttle with other slaves the day after it. As much as he tried, even with the help of Ahoska and Rex he just couldn't find out about the destination of the ship. Anakin was almost out of his mind with worry, only clinging to the feeling of Obi-Wan in the Force to reassure himself that he was still alive, but as much as he wanted to force the queen to tell him the truth, he could do little more than hold on and continue with the plan, like Obi-Wan had wanted him to do. 

When he was finally able to end this charade, Anakin had been so relieved when they found Obi-Wan with the Togrutas in the mines and freed them, but that was until he noticed the state his former master was in. Seeing him in his tattered robes, merely more than skin and bones and with a shock collar around his neck made his blood boil with rage and he was grateful that the guards did not just give up but fought back, so he had a reason to slaughter them one after the other for what they had done to Obi-Wan. It was a hard fight to get all the slaves out alive, before they blew up the whole facility, but they succeed thanks to the Force. 

Now they were onboard of the Negotiator, where all the slaves were first freed of the collars. Then they got food and drink and medical treatment and they were shown to the wet rooms to take a shower, before they got some spare clothes, because their own were torn to rags. As much as it satisfied Anakin that the mission was finally completed and they were on their way to bring them home, the way the Togrutas behaved worried him deeply. They walked around like ghosts, too afraid to cause attention. Their eyes were haunted and when spoken to, they flinched away. The medics told him that it had to be expected. That it would take time to get over the horrors they endured and it made sense to him that people who had never experienced violence like this before behaved like frightened children. What concerned him more was that Obi-Wan acted just the same.

Of course he had refused to go to the infirmary at first and had insisted that the others needed medical treatment more than he did, but Anakin didn't want to hear about it. He had almost dragged his former master to see a medic, but although he wasn't allowed to stay during the examination, he managed to get his fingers on the report later. Only when he read the sheer amount of injuries, Obi-Wan had suffered during his captivity, he wanted to go back to the facility and kill the slavers once again. There were burns on his neck from the shock collar, three broken rips and a contused spleen with multiple bruises on the sides of his body and his stomach, without a doubt caused by hits and kicks to his rib-cage and the stomach. His back was a mess of wounds in different stages, some so fresh they had to be caused only hours before the rescue, some already scabbed, inflicted perhaps on the first days of his captivity. Some of the wounds were infected, swollen, red and angry on the pale skin, some were on the verge to heal. There were other bruises, abrasions and minor wounds all over his body from working in the mines, but nothing to serious that it couldn't be healed by bacta. Though Obi-Wan had resisted to be put inside a tank to heal, his wounds had been treated and he was equipped with a jar of bacta gel, before he was sent to his quarters to rest properly.

Obi-Wan's room was Anakin's as well, because they normally enjoyed to share their quarters on the Stardestroyer like they did at the temple, but in hindsight of his injury the younger Jedi had wanted to give him some time to settle down and so he had spent the hours after their return in the common area. But after he felt in their bond, that Obi-Wan didn't sleep even an hour later, he decided to look after him and make sure he was okay. When Anakin didn't get an answer after he knocked, although he knew his former master was inside the room, he just opened the door. He found Obi-Wan sitting in the dark on his bunk, trembling all over and hiding his face in his hands. He didn't cry, just stirred and breathed heavily, when Anakin entered the room, lit a small light at the bedside table and sat beside him. 

„I'm sorry“, Anakin said as quietly as possible. He wanted to touch and hug him so badly, but he was afraid to cause him even more pain, so he just propped with his force signature gently against Obi-Wan's shields in an offer of comfort and support. First he felt that his former master raised his shields only tighter in an effort to keep him out, but Anakin waited patiently. They sat in silence for a long time. Then, after what felt like an eternity, Obi-Wan lowered his shields just a fraction, but it was enough for Anakin to slip underneath to warp his mind around Obi-Wan's own like a blanket. Obi-Wan's presence in the Force felt raw, like an open wound and his pain bled so strong into their bond that it made Anakin gasp for breath.

„I'm so sorry“, he said again and this time he dared to lay a hand on Obi-Wan's thigh.

„Don't“, Obi-Wan choked out, shuddering under the touch, still with his head in his hands. „It's not your fault.“

„But it is“, the younger one insisted full of self loathing. „I should have been able to coax the queen into telling me sooner. This should never have happened. I shouldn't have let it come so far. If I hadn't whipped you ...“

Obi-Wan lowered his hands when he heard that and looked at his former Padawan, before he cut in. „You did what I told you to do. It was necessary for the success of the mission to keep your cover.“

But Anakin didn't want to hear the excuses his former master found for him. „You shouldn't have played the guard from the start. If our roles had been reversed and I had been captured ...“

The thought alone made Obi-Wan's stomach turn. „No, it was better that way. I never want to see you as a slave again.“ Even if he would live a hundred years, he would never forget the stories from Anakin's time as a slave of the Hutt's before Watto won him and his mother in a bet, that the boy had told him after they took him from Tatooine. No child should ever endure such brutality and arbitrary and he swore to himself back then, that he would never let this happen again. He would never allow Anakin to become a slave once more, even if it was just temporary for a mission. 

„I would have handled it“, Anakin returned stubbornly. „My body is younger and stronger, than yours. I would have endured the whip gladly, if you were spared then.“

Obi-Wan began to tremble harder when he imagined Anakin in the mines. If it had broken himself to witness how the Togrutas were punished because of him, what would this knowledge have done to his former Padawan? Perhaps he would have lost his mind and wreak havoc, in an attempt to try and kill the guards with the Force, but there was no way that he would have succeed in bringing them all down. There were just to many of them and they would have killed him and all the slaves for revenge. The thought of losing Anakin hurt so much, that tears rose into his eyes. No, he was grateful that fate chose him and not his former apprentice to suffer like this. „But I can't stand the thought“, he confessed in a small voice. „It's okay. I will get over it. I just need time.“

It made Anakin's heart ache to see his former master like this. Broken, hurt and vulnerable. Never before had he been more human than in this moment. When Anakin had been a child, he had thought that his master was invincible, always strong, always collected but now he was nothing more than a shell of the man he used to be. „Please, I want to help you“, he begged, while squeezing Obi-Wan's thigh lightly.

His former master smiled weakly, before he closed his shields and shut him out again in an attempt to spare Anakin the pain he radiated. „There's nothing you can do, dear one. Just give me some space, would you?“

Anakin nodded hesitantly, although he wasn't happy with the turn of events. He would rather want Obi-Wan to let himself be cared for. To let Anakin hold him and open up and tell him about the horrors he had endured, but he respected his wish and just kept him company, as long as the older man let him do so. They sat in silence again for a few minutes, before Obi-Wan told Anakin that he wanted to sleep now and even though the young man knew that it was a lie, he rose so that his former master could lie down on the bunk. When Anakin silently crossed the room for his own bed, Obi-Wan turned around on the bunk and faced the wall, to hide the tears that ran now freely over his cheeks. He lay very still, cautious to make no sound as he cried and instead pretended to sleep, although he knew he couldn't fool Anakin, who lay in his own bunk and radiated worry and guilt and self hatred into their bond and at the same time breathed in calm and deep breaths, pretending to sleep as well like Obi-Wan did. 

XXXXXX

Three days later, after they dropped off the Togrutas on Kiros, they finally reached Coruscant, but although Anakin was happy to be home again, his concern for his former master only grew. During the day Obi-Wan tried to act normal and went back to work like nothing had happened, though his eyes couldn't fool anyone. His body was healing slowly, but his mind wasn't any better than before. Anakin could feel him every night tossing and turning, his presence in the force screaming in pain and despair, but every time he tried to reach out and give him comfort, his former master only retreated and shut him out. Neither him nor Obi-Wan slept very much at the moment and Anakin was about to drown in self hatred. His master still suffered because of him and there was nothing he could do about it. Obi-Wan's face was ghostly pale, his cheeks hollow and his eyes lacking the spark that had been there before. Again and again Anakin tried to talk with him about the events, and as Obi-Wan refused to open up, he even tried to coax him into seeing a mind healer as soon as they reached the temple, but Obi-Wan just brushed him off in telling him that he was alright. No need to worry. But Anakin knew him well enough to be sure, that if he carried on like this it wouldn't take long until he broke down. 

When they reached the temple, they parted ways. Anakin had an urgent meeting with the chancellor and Obi-Wan needed to report to the council about the time in the mines. Although he tried to make it as short as possible, more than two hours passed before Anakin finally returned to their shared quarters. He had tried to comm his former master on his way home to make sure he was alright, but received no answer. Perhaps he was still with the Council. It wasn't typical that a meeting took so much time, but it hadn't been a typical mission either. There had been no way to be sure if Obi-Wan was at home, so he was rather surprised to find him at the doorway of the kitchen after he opened the door and rushed inside of the apartment. The moment he saw him, Obi-Wan froze in shock. It seemed he hadn't anticipated Anakin as well, because he wore no shirt. His upper body was bare, and he tried to clutch it tightly in an attempt to hide the injuries from Anakin's prying gaze, but failed nevertheless.

The eyes of the younger Jedi widened in shock, as he saw the red marks which led from his back over his shoulders and the sides of his body. Even after some days of treatment with the bacta gel, the wound were still clearly visible, like dark red lines that were drawn over the delicately freckled skin. Anakin's throat tightened at the thought that he was responsible for at least three of this whips and he wanted to fall to his knees and weep. Instead he closed the distance between them, not able to look away from the nasty marks, as he grabbed his former master at his upper arms and turned him around. The young man felt how Obi-Wan trembled in his grasp, but nevertheless he didn't let go of him. He just couldn't. He had to see what he had done with his own eyes. Quietly he let his gaze wander across the abused back. Memorized the pattern of marks on the white skin like flight routes, so he would remember them for the rest of his life. After he finished the examination and the full amount of the wounds caught up to him, Anakin had to close his eyes for a minute to collect himself. When he was finally able to look again, he asked in a thick voice: „Which of these marks did I put on you?“

„Anakin ...“ Obi-Wan's voice was nothing more than a whisper.

„No, I have to know it“, the younger Jedi insisted. „Which of these wounds did I cause?“

The trembling in Obi-Wan's body got even worse, as he answered quietly: „I really don't know and it doesn't matter anyway.“

Vehemently Anakin shook his head, as he involuntary closed his hands into fists. „It matters for me and I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.“

Although his fingers were still shaking, Obi-Wan was able to remove Anakin's hands from his body, before he turned around and looked him in the eyes. „We talked about this, dear one. It's not your fault.“

There was so much love, when he locked his gaze with his former master, but Anakin felt like he deserved none of it. Hot tears rose into his eyes and the guilt rumored in his guts like a wild animal. He wasn't worthy of Obi-Wan's forgiveness. No, he was worse than a failure. He let the man he loved down and hurt him like that, so that he would have to wear this marks forever. Anakin's knees buckled, as they gave way and he slumped to the ground clinging to Obi-Wan's legs like a child held onto his mother.

„I'm sorry“, he choked out, as he cried full of shame and guilt, while at the same time wrapping his force signature so tight around Obi-Wan's like wanted to suffocate him. It took only a moment before he felt the fingers of his former master combthrough his hair. But instead of calming him this tender gesture made him cry even harder. He didn't want Obi-Wan to forgive and understand him. There was no way how Anakin could accept that. No, he needed to make it up to him.

And there was only one way how he could do it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the delay, my other WIPs are killing me ....
> 
> Before you start reading, I need to warn you about this last chapter: There will be another graphic whipping scene, with blood and tears and physical and emotional pain, so if that's not your piece of cake, better skip the end of this story.

The black market in one of the lowest levels of Coruscant was known for the fact that you could get almost anything there that was on the edge of legality. The guardians of law rarely found their way into this zone of constant darkness and preferred to pretend it didn't exist. The few times Anakin had been here, he had either searched for Sith artifacts on behalf of the council or had been looking for rare parts for one of his more dubious tinkering projects. But this time he was here for a completely different reason. 

Slavery was forbidden on almost all Core Worlds, but that didn't mean it didn't exist, as the presence of some items confirmed. Just the sight of the slave collars, handcuffs and foot shakles, which he discovered at the sale booths, made Anakin's mouth become dry and the blood freeze in his veins, although these were still some of the most harmless goods. Branding irons, tattoo paints and implantable identity chips to mark the slaves as property were standard equipment of all traders. Anakin himself had worn a chip under his skin as a child, which not only identified its owner but could also have been used as an explosive device if he dared to run away. Even today a small, raised scar in his neck reminded him of what he had been born as before the Jedi healers had removed the chip. 

The choice of tools to beat a slave into obedience was terrifying and ranged from bludgeons, various clamps, spiked rings and tasers. The whips alone one could have ranged from a simple leather leash to cats with nine tails and whips with differently shaped barbs at the ends. Anakin's stomach rebelled at the sight of the torture instruments and it caused him great trouble not to let it show how much he detested the trade with the misery of the slaves, but he had to pull himself together. After all, he was here today as a customer and he already knew exactly what he wanted to buy. 

XXXXXX

A week had passed since they had returned to Coruscant, yet Obi-Wan had still been classified by the healers as not ready for duty. Though the Jedi Master's external injuries had almost healed, the scars on his soul were so severe that a new mission was unthinkable. Understandable considering what he had gone through. But what came as a surprise for the members of the council was that even Anakin did not pass the routine check in the Halls of Healing. According to the statement of the chief healer Vokara Che his mental condition was even worse than that of his former Master.

"A worryingly strong sign of his attachment to Obi-Wan it is," Master Yoda explained at a council meeting. "Clouded their presence in the Force is. Their inner peace they must therefore find before on a mission we can send them again."

Despite their protest, the council decided to send both Jedi to a mind healer, but Anakin knew that wouldn't help him either. In his opinion, the only way to find his inner core again and restore the disturbed balance between them was for Obi-Wan to whip him as Anakin had done to him. Although he suspected that it would not be easy to convince his former Master of this. But it had to be, it was for the best of both of them.

As so often lately, Obi-Wan had spent most of his day in the archives. The reading of old texts relaxed him and helped him to get his mind off things, even though he knew that the distraction would not last long. Which is why he had gone to the Hall of a Thousand Fountains to meditate afterwards and tried once again to release all the negative emotions that plagued him into the Force. Yet his Force signature was still clouded as he made his way back to their quarters. Hopefully Anakin was busy elsewhere, for Obi-Wan feared that he would not be able to bear another emotional outburst of his former Padawan today.

Already in the corridor before their common quarters he could feel Anakin's Force signature through the wall and a deep sigh escaped Obi-Wan's chest when he felt the self-hatred and guilt vibrating in their bond, then he straightened and entered the code for the opening mechanism. No sooner had the door slid to the side than he could see Anakin kneeling on the floor of the hall. The young Jedi Knight was undressed above the belt and he was not wearing shoes. He almost humbly held his head down when Obi-Wan entered the apartment and he did not lift it even when his former master stepped next to him.

"What's wrong, dear one?" Obi-Wan said softly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making up for what I've done," Anakin replied without raising his eyes before he added emphatically. "Master."

For so many years Anakin had addressed him with this title, even long after he hadn't been his Padawan anymore, but never had the tone of voice been even close to the one the young man used at that moment. It was the tone of deepest humility that only a slave used and it gave Obi-Wan goose bumps all over his skin. "We already had talked about that, Anakin", Obi-Wan tried to calm him down by squatting on the floor next to his former apprentice and tried to put a hand under Anakin's chin to make him look at him. "There is nothing you must make up for."

"Oh yes, there is," Anakin replied stubbornly while he refused to look Obi-Wan in the face, "I must and you will help me with that.”

Sighing, the Jedi Master pulled back his hand, but only to lay it on Anakin's bare shoulder instead. "And how can I do that?"

"By whipping me," the young Jedi Knight replied, holding out the electric whip that had been lying beside his knees to his former teacher.

Alone at the sight, Obi-Wan drove back as if it caused him physical pain to look at it. "No," he stammered in horror. "No!"

"You must do it, Master," Anakin insisted, bending over and urging Obi-Wan in a forceful gesture to accept the whip from him. "It is the only way to repay my debt."

"That's crazy," Obi-Wan returned, his hounded gaze fixed on the whip as if hypnotized. "You can't ask that of me."

"I didn't want to do it on Zygerria either, but I did it because you demanded it," Anakin explained seriously. "It is only fair that our roles should be reversed.”

"But that was something else entirely! It had to be to not blow your cover," Obi-Wan protested while he tried to crawl backwards away from his former apprentice but Anakin followed him like a loyal animal, determined to get the punishment he deserved in his opinion.

"And now it must be, so that we find to each other again", Anakin replied full of determination. "Do not deny it, I can feel it, Master. Whenever I'm near you, you recoil as if you are afraid of me beating you again.”

"No, that's not true. I am not afraid of you," Obi-Wan claimed the moment his back touched the wall. He had retreated so far that they were now in the living area of their apartment, but now he could not escape any further. 

Anakin was so close to him that he almost sat on his lap, his eyes shining as if he had fever. "Yes, you are, just like me!" he insisted desperately. "I am afraid that it will always be between us. That we will never be able to deal with each other the way we did before. That we can never again be so close. That's why I beseech you, I beg you, whip me!"

"Anakin ..." Obi-Wan's voice was barely more than a whisper and his chest seemed too tight for his heart, which beat against his ribs at lightning speed.

"Please, Master ... Obi-Wan... I'll lose my mind if you don't do it." Anakin's voice was broken, yet full of determination as he looked at Obi-Wan as if he were the only light in a sea of darkness.

_May the Force help me ..._

Obi-Wan's hands trembled so strongly that he could hardly hold the whip when Anakin pressed it into his fingers. The grip felt cold and yet Obi-Wan felt as if it would burn his skin. How often he had seen a whip like this in the mines in the hands of the guards. Had heard the hissing sound when it came to life, whirled through in the air and down on the innocent bodies of the slaves. Had smelled the scent of scorched fabric and burnt skin. Had heard the cries of the tortured Togrutas. Having to witness all this suffering without being able to help had almost been worse than when the blows had hit himself. He could handle the pain, the enslaved Togrutas could not. But to whip Anakin? The boy he had raised. The Padawan he had taught. The young man at whose side he fought the Separatists. To this Anakin he should inflict the same pain the guards had inflicted on the slaves? No, impossible.

Whimpering Obi-Wan tried to drop the whip, but Anakin's fingers closed around his own and prevented him from getting rid of the hated thing. "Please," he said again and the tears glittered in his blue eyes. "Please.”

For a long moment they only looked at each other, then Obi-Wan nodded wordlessly. His body felt as if it was about to collapse, yet he somehow managed to get back on his feet. Anakin still kneeled before him on the ground, his gaze raised pleadingly to him. Only in the moment when Obi-Wan switched on the whip, the young Jedi lowered his head. Surrendered he sat down in position, put his hands on his thighs, pressed his head on his chest, so that Obi-Wan had his broad, tanned back in front of him. The skin was flawless, beautiful, and the mere thought of disfiguring it caused bitter bile to rise up Obi-Wan's throat.

_Gracious Force, give me strength._

The whip crackled and hissed at his side, as if waiting to be used, but Obi-Wan simply could not lift his arm. He could not hit Anakin. He simply could not do it. 

The young Jedi felt the hesitation of his former Master in their bond, so he let him feel all his determination and affection. "Please, Master. It's okay. Do it for me." 

_By the hells of the Sith, forgive me._

Obi-Wan made a sound most like sobbing, then raised his arm and cracked the whip. Hissing and spitting the electric leash found its target and cut into Anakin's skin over the left shoulder blade. Although the Jedi Knight had been prepared for it, he flinched when the whip tore his skin open and bit into his flesh and he involuntarily tensed the muscles in his back even more than the pain made him tremble. Warmly the blood oozed from the cracked layer of skin and slowly ran down his back. 

Whimpering, Obi-Wan let the whip sink. May the Force be with him, he had done it. He had beaten his former Padawan. Tormented, he closed his eyes, unable to see the damage he had caused. "Once more, Master," the muffled voice of his former apprentice reached his ear.

"No," Obi-Wan whispered. "No." Once had been bad enough. He would not be able to bear a second time. 

"Yes," Anakin replied firmly and it was a miracle how determined his voice still was. "The balance is not yet restored."

He didn't want to do it, he rather wanted to be whipped again himself, but Obi-Wan knew that Anakin would not give him any peace before he had reached his goal. Nevertheless it took Obi-Wan all his strength to collect himself and prepare for the next blow, but he told himself that he did it for Anakin. As sick as the thought seemed when he lifted the whip and let it hit the back of his former Padawan again, he did it for him. This time he hit exactly the center. The bloody welt ran down from the cervical spine to the lumbar vertebrae. Involuntarily Anakin groaned. The hands on his lap were clenched so tightly that his nails dug into the palms of his hands. But apart from a twitch, he continued to sit completely still. 

Tears burned in Obi-Wan's eyes when he saw the bloody wound he had caused by the blow. How could he have let himself get involved in this? It was wrong, completely wrong what he was doing here. Which Jedi Master beat his former Padawan to come into harmony with him? He was supposed to bring Anakin to Master Che in the Halls of Healing to have him cared for immediately and he himself should stay there too, because after today he would probably need the mind healer the council had suggested to him more than ever.

"One last time, Master," Anakin's voice interrupted his thoughts. "As hard as I hit you."

"No, that's enough," Obi-Wan fought back desperately. "That has to be enough."

He would die if he had to hit Anakin again, he was sure of that. His heart already hurt so much that he believed it would stop in grief any moment. 

"I know it hurts you more than me and I'm so sorry to have to do this to you, but it has to be done," Ankin replied insistently and Obi-Wan admired him reluctantly for the strength to still want to continue this torture. "This is the only way to restore balance and find peace in the Force."

The Jedi Master could feel his apprentice's Force signature wrapping around his own, filling him with confidence to give him the strength for the final blow. Anakin wanted it, he believed with all his heart and mind that only this could save them both and Obi-Wan had never been able to resist his former Padawan when he wanted something so desperately. Tears welled up in the eyes of the Jedi Master as he lifted the whip and swung it with all the strength he could muster. This time Anakin could not prevent it that he screamed out when the electric leash hit his skin. With the power of a lightning bolt it hit his flesh, tore it open and burned it from his right shoulder down to his left hip. Trembling Anakin crumbled together while the electricity still sent small shock waves over his skin. The result of the blow was more devastating than the two blows before. The whole room was filled with the smell of burnt flesh. The long wound bled heavily and would surely leave a permanent scar.

But despite the pain and the shock, Anakin managed to rasp out the only word that filled his head: "Thank you.”

When he heard how his former apprentice thanked him for what he had done to him, Obi-Wan could not stand upright anymore. Suddenly his knees gave way and he collapsed beside Anakin, sobbing uncontrollable. The whip slipped from his slackened fingers, fell on the ground and rolled away, but neither of the two men cared about it. Obi-Wan's body trembled unrestrained while bitter tears ran over his cheeks and also Anakin finally allowed himself to cry, but they were not tears of pain, but of relief which welled up inside of him. Hesitant like a small child he crawled to his Master, wrapped his arms around his middle and sought comfort in his embrace and despite the despair he felt, Obi-Wan held him as tight as he dared without touching Anankin's wounds. 

"I am sorry. I'm so sorry." Obi-Wan's voice was barely a whisper when he said the words as his fingers combed through Anankin's hair as he had done so many times when he had been a child. 

"You don't have to be," Anakin returned bravely. "Now everything will be fine. I can feel that the Force is in harmony again.”

Obi-Wan felt it too. Anakin's Force signature was brighter, warmer, despite the pain he radiated and although he still felt guilty for beating his former Padawan, Obi-Wan was relieved that he had been right. His own Force signature was still clouded by what he had just done, but now he had hope again that he could finally release the negative emotions into the Force. They held each other for a long time, leaning their foreheads against each other and interweaving their Force signatures. At last they were one again. The balance was back.

At some point Anakin separated from his former Master and looked at Obi-Wan with all the relief and warmth and gratitude he felt. "I had thought, no, I had feared I had lost you." Although it was on the tip of his tongue to say much more, he did not dare to. Even though Anakin had loved his former Master for so long, now was not the right moment to pour his heart out. Not after what Obi-Wan had just done for him.

Obi-Wan returned the look with the same warmth and affection as he always did. If he was honest, he had had the same fear. Though he had never lost faith that they would be rescued, a small voice in his head had repeatedly whispered to him that they might be too late. That the guards would beat him to death first. Despite all the pain he had been through, he was glad he was here today. With his Anakin, for whom he felt more than he should for so long and to whom he would tell this one day. But not today, not after the emotional rollercoaster ride they both just had. Instead, he only replied, "You won't get rid of me that easily, Padawan mine”.

Anakin smirked, then he let a glass of Bacta Gel, which had been standing on the kitchen table, fly into his hand with the Force and held it out to his former Master. "Make yourself useful, old man."

Obi-Wan grinned back playfully and the tension that had lasted upon the room disappeared. "Who are you calling old?" he asked indignantly before he opened the glass and applied the contents to Anakin's back, whereby they fell into their usual comradely banter and the Force vibrated around them as it had not done since their return. It was almost like the old days again and both Anakin and Obi-Wan felt that they were finally healing and overcoming the trauma of Zygerria.


End file.
